Many married men have been delivered from the trap of extramarital affairs by their wives who did the right things on time. Because men are basically the same in tastes and responses, the same methods work time and time again.
Like all habits, cheating on one’s spouse is not a spontaneous decision, but goes through the phases of thought and mind conflicts. When this full circle habit is formed, a good measure of work and understanding is required to reverse the man.
This is why it is important to nip the misbehavior of extramarital affairs in the bud.
We identified the four settings where the man’s infidelity habit could be sparked off and given opportunity to bloom.
It often surprises people when we mention the home as the first point of attention. This is because if the home-front is not right, his activities in the other segments cannot be made good. The home is the hub, the foundation…
What could possibly go wrong at home? If the changing habits of the man go unnoticed at home the battle is lost.
Take note of these:
Has his comeback time from work changed?
What’s his mood like when he returns from his outings?
What about his eating habits?
Is communication level still friendly, impromptu and lively? Don’t ignore any of these powerful signals.
If you were close, as you should, you don’t need any special skill to pick any of these changes if they arise. Effective family communication will give better insight to interpret the goings-on in his life outside the home.
If he is now coming home late regularly and his outings are not explained, or explained with some difficulties, then probe deeper. If also he does not feed well (or regularly), for which there is no medical reason, it is a call for closer attention.
The effective solution to these is that as soon as you observe your man drifting away is the best time to recover him.
Have you changed from ‘yourself’? Are you pushing him away by not listening to his desires – verbal and non-verbal? We have seen that the man’s needs are often ignored until the frustration makes him disgruntled and leaves him open for anything.
Don’t forget that companionship, food and sex are the mainstay of every stable affair. These three are available, or could be made available, at home.
Most men who indulge in extramarital affairs start it at the work place. Except his woman works with him, she may not know until it gets full blown. A caring woman should be close enough to her man to know about his workplace. You should know his schedules, who are his closest work mates – superiors, subordinates or colleagues.
Sometimes it would also be helpful if you could visit him unannounced at work. It is best to get his blanket consent for all visits at once; otherwise the visits would be counterproductive.
Friends and environment can be great influencers of habits. It is wisdom to join groups that have integrity and honor and make friends from there. You could persuade him to join church groups, professional associations and sports clubs of good reputation. If he is not in the right group, he will be in the side you don’t want.
This is similar to the social circle above though it has greater effect of drawing the man into extramarital affairs. The internet is the chief platform where he can still meet dubious friends or join the wrong groups. It is harder to monitor online activities than the physical social side. Happily, his attitudes and habits on the internet will be largely determined by the three previous settings.
If the home front, the workplace and his social side is handled properly there would be little to worry about his online activities.